Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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