New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
