he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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