I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
