why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
