the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize