theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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