So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize