did you get engaged???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize