Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
