I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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