The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
