After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
