i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
