I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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