I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
