Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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