i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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