Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
