Only a mothe r could love this liver
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
