i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
