Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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