She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
