why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
