Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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