I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
