is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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