That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
