Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
