so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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