Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
