I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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