Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
