fuck your aforementioned shoe
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
