jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got her a Nickelback box set.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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