Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
