I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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