A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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