i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
