i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize