It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
