Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
