my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
