At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
