Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
