I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
