I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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