well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
