10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
