There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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