So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize