i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
