i may or may not be watching the land before time
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
