I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
