called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
