So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
