I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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