She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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