I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
