don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
