im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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