Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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