He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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