i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
