I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I pour the whiskey from now on
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
