You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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