I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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