Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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