that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
