Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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