be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
