Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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