He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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