Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
