sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
