I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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