6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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