will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
