Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
