Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
