I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
