my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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