I think my fart just growled at me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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