I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
